My mind

One who gives moral support can only expect nothing in return; Rather it is the tangible encouragements that gets the due recognition, despite having the least worth.

Perhaps I should stop influencing people psychologically; it makes them too subtle to be credited to. However, psychological influence is the best form of making someone push beyond his/her limits, for after all a roadblock is a mental perceived obstacle.

Why do I choose this path only to realise no one appreciates me in their path? Why do I enjoy their journey but loathe their destination? However, one should be happy not because of others, but because of oneself. Note to self…

On a separate note, Learn to embrace your fear, and thus making your fears your strength.

Once again, running brings out the sense in me, or lack thereof.

Only when one has zero expectations can he be delighted time and again. Must I expect nothing from everything? E V E R Y T H I N G???

In reply…

In the absence of a reaction there comes fear.
Your uncertainess over the future makes you yearn the past.
To take one step forward, is to forsake the past.
To hold on to the past, is to give up new chances.
Only when you truly let go and do things your way, can you retain what you like (about the past).
So long as you never stop trying, you can never fail

The solution will always be there.

“Because I try, I am given more chances“

ME

The world can crumble around me, but I will not allow myself to fall.

I represent my beliefs, my faith, and everything I fight and strive for. I am the reason why I am stronger, and I am the reason why I am able to push on to face all odds.  It’s the very same reason why I am able to let go of everything around me without hesitation, even though it makes people perceive me as unfeeling and cold.

I can place myself second place, and try to help others above myself. Or be the best, and make my help really counts and get things done. It’s the lesser of two evils that most people won’t see, and I don’t expect them to anyway.

The pains of my choices…

Negatives to positives

How do you explain when one tries to use death to spur one on?
The very absence of a will to live to define the will to live?

Each time I try, I realise how hard it is (to die).
The nearer you been to the edge, the further away you shall stand.
Perhaps only when you’ve been to there, do you miss here.
As I’ve always said, things are best appreciated only in its absence.

If I have never tried to walk to the edge, I will never know where the edge is.
I’d rather find the edge and discover myself in some predicament, than to be caught in some predicament without knowledge of what happened.
At least i would know what I’m threading on.
It might not be a full picture, but its a whole lot of picture more than knowing nothing.

Running brings out the sense in me, or the lack thereof.

It hurts, no more…

It hurts, but you probably won’t know, for my tears have already dried up…
Maybe I’ve just learnt to channel all these negative energy into my strength…

After some time, it just wont hurt anymore…
I just know I am better…you just failed to realise it…

Point made.

Take me to the place…

Take me to the place, where the sun still shines brightly.
The place where the children run amidst open fields,
With grass swaying in the cool summer breeze.

The place where nature unravels its utmost beauty,
with vivid yellow daffodils,
and majestic great oaks.

Where stream water rustle,
its crystal clear waters showcase
the dance of the fishes

The place where birds sing,
and the children’s laughter fills the air,
in a concert of happiness and bliss

Where trust and respect lingers around,
where people are not afraid of helping one another,
where people stop and listen to one another

The place where time stands still,
whereby passersby stop and smell the roses,
and smile at the playful children running around

The place where the only tears,
are the tears of joy,
and that people are not afraid to enjoy it

The place that everyone yearn for,
but no one to realise it,
and no one to fight for it

The place where I can leave my smile,
knowing I can truly smile,
and not be ashamed of

The place where I will not cry anymore,
because I simply cannot cry anymore
As the tears have already run dry

Where hope is still abound,
where sadness is but a distant memory,
and happiness never too far away.

That place,
is simply too far away,
out of my reach.

Too much time to think…

Why do I even try to run away, when I know that will be the path I need to take?
Do I even try to prove myself wrong, so that I can be correct?
Why must I walk away from this path, only to return back to it?
Have I, in the process of helping others, required my own help too?
Have I become what I’ve sworn to fight?

I seemed to have wandered off my own little path,
only to land amidst others path.
Having lost my directions,
I now seek for guidance.

If so, is it the path that defines me,
or me that defines the path?
More so, is my path the path,
or just a mere crossing?

Which then, do you choose,
the path you need to take,
or the path you want to take?
How do you fight to save oneself?

On another note,

If you are ever stranded on an island, do you ask the survivor from the next island to swim over, or do you swim over to his island? If each island promises of necessity and providence to its initial occupant, wouldnt the wisest choice be to stay put?

Sometimes, the wisest choice may not be the best choice in life. Change the scenario, and the ‘wisest’ choice may end in sorrow…

How then do you decide?

The two sides of me

Why do I even try to find a reason, to give a person the benefit of the doubt, when it does me no good.
One side of me tries to contain all the anger and hurt and isolate myself from the world, yet the other side of me is willing to cast aside all personal feelings and belives in, and tries to get to the underlying reason behind the action.

Why do I, when fasely accused, acknowledge the hurt and anger, and yet at the same time, believe that there is a driving force that made the person fasely accuse me.

Why do I take pity on the other person before self, when I place myself above all else?

Maternal Love

Most people right now will be blogging about 2007 and all its memories, but not me.
All I have to say is about this simple wish.

“A wish so simple, so innocent, no one has the power to realize it“

I just met up with long time buddies of mine earlier on the last day of 2007. We’ve known each other for a greater half of our lives, and though we have drifted further apart these few years, we always make it a point to spend the last day of each year together and catch up with one another. Yesterday was no exception.

As 2007 comes to a close and a fresh new year awaits me, I’m very excited about the brand new year. For me, the new year holds new dreams and achievements. This will be the year whereby all 3 of us will be working by then, and work threatens to hold us apart.

While I wish my pals a fruitful year ahead with many successes, I understand deep down they have only one wish. I am in full understanding of the predicament both of them are in, but at the same time totally helpless at that.

I can clearly see the toll on both of them. The smile on their faces are gone, and the sparkle in their eyes, robbed. Dark clouds loom overhead, and all I can do it watch. While we may all be happy for the successes of 2007, I can see the sadness that lingers within. For what good is success, if you cannot celebrate it.

2007 has been exceptionally harsh on one of my pals. He has been fighting this battle for more than a year, and all he has is himself. I can only watch from afar, with no means to help him. A battle that has drained the energy out of his body, and that smile from his face. A battle which constantly forces him to sacrifice the things close to his heart, with no guarantee of success.

I have always considered him stronger than me, physically and mentally, overflowing with optimism, but this battle has totally brought him down. While he constantly stands back up and fight back, I can only imagine what he is going through. Friends who know me well enough know my mental strength, but to bring him down to such a state might crumble even me. What he is going through will put most people down permanently.

A battle with no victory in sight. A lone battle that shouldnt have to be fought in the very first place. As I see him stand up again and again, I feel the hurt in my heart, and the tears in my eyes. This is a path I really want to walk with him, to be there for my pal, but yet this is the path I cannot walk. He is no longer the same person as I knew he was. I can clearly see the toll on him, and it pains me to see him in that state. More so at my helplessness.

How do you win the battle when all the options have been exhausted, and everyone around you has tried and failed? All that is left, is one slim hope which he is still clinging onto. Like him and his family, I too wish he can win the battle.

His battle is his mother.
How then, do you fight a battle like this?

So for 2008, if I can, I would like give up my wish so that his may come true. 

A wish so simple,
so innocent,
no one has the power to realize it.

Would you give up yours too?

Where do I go from now on?

I most certainly am not lost… 

It’s been really long, and I do mean LONG time since I last typed in here.

And I do realise most recent posts are mainly “UPDATES”

It dwells upon me to find the reason for this lack of any activity.
The road has been an uphill stroll, which, of late, is getting tiring for me.
The road has been peaceful, enlightening, and enriching,
Yet I’m abandoning the uphill road for my own hill road.
Seems like my business is more interesting after all.

Perhaps not to say interesting, but more of important.
Perhaps I’m just weary of minding other people’s business already.
Perhaps its how small I realise myself to be each time I help,
Or perhaps it’s just that I’ve come to terms with my inner peace.

It could be the fact that I’m shifting my priorities around,
given the fact appreciation is normally present in the absence of its essence.
Or just coming to terms my limitations beyond oneself,
And the sense of helplessness arising from minding others business.

Workload has gotten the better of me,
And I am supposed to be buried neck deep amongst it.
But underneath this manageable ‘mess’,
I still find the strength to reach out and help.

Question is,
Is it needed?
Perhaps yes,
but is it taken?

For the problem lies not in the solution,
but rather in the methodology itself.
Probably because the need for a solution,
Doesn’t justify the want for it.

Blindness could be the word to describe it,
Or more kindly put, overwhelmed.
So therefore what point is it to stroll up the hill,
When I’m walking the path that is not mine, alone.

Pardon the abstract words. Of late, this is the very way I shall communicate here, if ever I should.
I see the need to convey a message, but not the need to decipher it for anyone. Then what for, is the message intended? I’m not too sure myself either. Just like why am I walking someone else’s path for them, when they are not going to even look at my footsteps, I have no idea too. Why walk two paths at a time, when everyone just wants to walk one?

Maybe I have a point to make. And it’s just so that no one wants to hear it. So instead of proving my point, I shall just take one step back and watch.
Retreating into the solitude of my shadows, everything becomes clearer and I become less noticed.
If that’s the way things wants to be done here, so be it.
I trod on my own path, happy knowing that I have the ability to walk multiple paths. Whether I walk them or not will not, in any way, affect my faith upon my own capabilities. They will, however, affect the those who will walk those mentioned paths in another way different from now.